Roles and Relationships

Relationships...they can be rewarding. You meet someone and you become friends. Maybe you have things in common, maybe you work together on a project. Roles and relationships are defined, and things are understood.

Relationships...they can be confusing. You know someone for a long time. Roles and relationships are pre-established, and things are presumed to be understood. The problem is, the roles are not understood...and the roles are not discussed, because the conversation is uncomfortable.

Why don't we have the difficult conversations? When there is conflict, why don't we talk about it? Why is there conflict between people who care for each other? In the bible, James offers an opinion when he says in Chapter 4:

"Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it." (emphasis mine)

If it was obvious when we acted this way, it would be easy. But we want our own way, because it is "the best way." We tell one another that "you aren't wrong, but I want to offer a different perspective." Nobody can argue with a different perspective, right? My opinion is that we camouflage what we say enough so that we think we have the right to say whatever we want. After all, it's just my opinion and I am entitled to my opinion, right? Let me say this...if you think I am wrong, tell me. But, understand that I think I am right, and just because you disagree doesn't make it so.

Additionally, if our friendship is strong enough for you to offer your opinion, be prepared to listen to mine. Don't think that yours is right, just because of the roles which we may have played in the past. Don't assume mine is right just because it's mine, but listen to it. Be prepared to have the difficult conversations, if the relationship is worth it. It may be difficult because of the roles we have played in the past. In fact, it will be difficult to get past the roles we may think we are expected to play...expected to play.

Roles can change, but the new roles must be understood. If not, nothing will change. We'll work on the project and get the job done. And then we will go our seperate ways. The only way to understand is to have the discussions...even the difficult ones. Each person must decide if the effort is worth what can be achieved. I think it is.